My Number 2 is Number 1, too

"The first shall be last and the last shall be the first." These words remind us that he who exalts himself shall be humbled; and he who humbles himself in God's eyes shall be exalted. Better yet, those words exhort us that if we are more privileged or gifted than a good number of our brothers, we must all the more seek to serve them. But on the lighter side, these words may mean that between two people or parties in competition not a few of us will often tend to go for the underdog.

In any group of people, there seems to be, by natural order, people who will be more privileged or gifted than others. The family is not an exception to this. I have four gifted kids but I cannot say that one among them is less privileged or gifted. Most parents will agree with me that every child is endowed with unique gifts and each of them is special in his own way. They all have their unique strengths coupled with corresponding weaknesses. A more introvert child tend to be more focused hence can be more imaginative and creative in playing by himself but may find it more challenging to socialize with other kids than his more extrovert siblings. Being a parent, the uniqueness of each child never fails to amaze me. We "manufacture" children under the same "condition, procedure and formula", targeting the same "specs" for every human being but the "output" is expectedly not constant but constantly unique. And that, I guess, is how nature works.

But human as we are, we have a tendency to see and do things unnaturally, sometimes linearly. We arrange things from smallest to biggest, from left to right, from top to bottom, from first to last, etc. Having a big family with four kids, it is imperative to manage them well. We have order and sequence in doing things. At this time, the kids have learned how to wait for their turn. I am confident that it will serve them well to be good citizens of society. But lately, I have realized that this thing has some limitations. It may work well for the "first and the last". The eldest child usually takes the first turn , and the youngest takes the last. And at certain point, I do the opposite. But what about the second child? He takes the 2nd turn most of the time. This kind of "stability" tend to make him less adventurous in going out of his comfort zone. He may think that whatever happens around him, he will always be 2nd in the natural order of things. And I think my son, Zach, is getting quite unnaturally comfortable with this. Since he seldom makes noise, as he has already accepted his fate to always take the 2nd turn, we somehow felt comfortable and overlook that every child must feel the need to be number one in his parents' eyes. How can a person really feel he is loved if he is always number two?(and in the child's logic, he is less prioritized) And I will not be surprised if one day, he may compulsively strive to be and see himself as number one.



So yesterday, my wife and I went out only with Zach, the eldest between the twins and the second among the boys, and brought him to the mall, eat good food, buy a toy of his choice, pick for him a balloon, and watch a movie (He's more excited with the cola and nachos than the movie! Hehe). We tried to make him feel very special. We plan to bring out our children individually these coming weekends. But this time, Zach takes the first turn. Of course, Igi, my eldest child asked why he was not the first one to take his turn. I politely told him that sometimes, Zach can be number one. And in life, people cannot always be in-between--not first, not last. I hope someday Zach can read this blog and understand that he can be more happy than just being stable and comfortable taking the second turn. Every child is number one in his parents' eyes.